Draco Malfoy (slyth_iceprince) wrote,
Draco Malfoy

In H/D's Room

Harry had expected another fight when he returned to the room later that evening, but there was none. Upon entering, the reason became clear; Draco was asleep at the desk. He looked far from his usual cool, collected self, Harry noticed with a twinge of guilt. His pale skin looked more ashen than fair, and his eyelids were red; Harry knew if Draco's eyes had been open, they would have been bloodshot. He was frowning in his sleep, his jaw tight, fingers clenched around a quill. It was about the farthest thing from a peaceful sleep save a nightmare that Harry could think off.

He drew closer and saw, lying open on the desk next to Draco, an open journal, the pages tearstained. He hesitated. He shouldn't, he shouldn't, he knew he shouldn't...

Harry picked it up.

...and it's all well and good, but Merlin, every game of I Never, every truth in Truth or Dare, I can feel him shutting down at the mere thought of me with someone else. But I can't change the past, no matter how much I wish I could sometimes, and I can't change that I've had other lovers. I can't take it back. Not Lissy, not Pansy, not Blaise, none of it. And Harry, Circe, he hides in jealousy or shrugs it off, but he's frightened. I know he is. He's scared I'll leave, scared I'll want someone else, scared of, hell, I don't even know. He's scared because he can't trust me, and I don't know what else I can do to make him believe me. I've given so much for him and I would do it all again a thousand times, but I don't have any more to give him except myself, and there's always this nagging feeling that it's just not enough. And Harry pretends he's okay, pretends he does trust me, does believe, and it's a lie. He's lying to me and I'm always at arm's length and I want him but he can't give back and sometimes I just wonder when I'll just wake up with nothing left. And I know... I know I should talk to him, but Merlin, how do you say these things? I... I just want him to be happy, I just want him with me, I just want everything to be okay without either of us having to pretend.
Tags: h/d fight
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